Patience — a piece of the puzzle for a healthy, loving marriage

If we’re being completely honest here, most of us aren’t as patient with our partners as we should be.

Actually, we are more patient with our slow computers than our partners.

And or that matter, instead of letting our impatience blow off, we understand that we need to take the computer to the IT specialist for some attention, or we change the network service provider or buy a signal booster to resolve the problem. 

However, we don’t practise that sort of understanding with our partners.

We easily get irritated, annoyed, frustrated and agitated with each other, much quicker than we do with strangers, colleagues, friends and acquaintances — anyone we don’t live with.

And our impatience with one another seems justified in the moment, at least, in the eyes of the partner exercising impatience.

Patience is an important practical skill to have in your marriage toolbox because it’s so crucial for the success of your marriage.

And no-one can teach you to be patient like your spouse.

What patience means

Patience doesn’t just mean to put up with your spouse’s personality and some of their most annoying habits, but it also is the ability to restrain yourself from reacting in anger or frustration towards them.

It is the ability to bite your tongue from saying hurtful words to your spouse during heated conversations.

Patience also means journeying along with your spouse when they hurt or are disappointed, being supportive when they have an issue they’re dealing with, and being tolerant when they make you angry.

You have to be patient when your children push every single one of your buttons, and when your marriage is still not yet what you want it to be.

It’s when your spouse does something you don't like or understand, but you opt to look at it from their perspective instead of rushing to conclusions.

Looking at it from their perspective may not mean you agree with them, or that you’d handle things the way they did.

But it at least lets you into their world, and you get to know them better.

Patience is an expression of love. It is a piece of the puzzle for a healthy, warm and loving marriage.

Here are a few ways we can practice patience.

Acceptance

Accept your partner the way they are — flaws and all.

Before reacting to what they are or aren’t doing, you need to understand that a person cannot change their basic nature completely, and hence the only way to make peace with the situation is to accept them. 

Dedicate some quiet time together

Patience is not only about giving and tolerance.

It’s also about allotting time to be spent together as a couple, without necessarily engaging in serious talks.

Take a walk together, and hold each other’s hands.

The non-verbal communication in this exercise not only lengthens your patience for each other, but also develops more trust because even if you don’t speak, your partner hears you, and so do you.

Quiet time also could mean praying together. Couples tend to extend a lot of grace towards their prayer partners.

Communicate

Talk it out. Don’t keep it to yourself and then become a volcano ready to erupt later.

You need to talk without lashing out at each other.

Get to know, and understand one another. This way you’ll be able to vent responsibly and won’t be frustrated by what your partner is doing.

It’s essential that you lay the issues down and ask each other’s opinions about them.

You may not always agree with one’s decision but by discussing and listening to each side, you develop more patience for one another.

Identify your triggers

Sometimes it’s not what your spouse does that causes you to be impatient with them.

It’s that you are triggered because of your own emotional baggage.

Be mature enough not to put blame on your partner when you’re the one who’s actually supposed to deal with some internal issues from your past.

Allow your spouse to be themselves

Let them be. Where else should they feel at home? There are things that you’d want to do without anyone poking you or making you abstain from them.

So, let them be. As long as they’re not engaging in illegal, destructive or immoral behaviour, just let them be.

Again, if you are impatient when your spouse is simply being themselves around you in a responsible manner, then you could well be the problem. Introspect.

Learn to negotiate and adjust

Things don’t always have to go your way. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies but a negotiation and being reasonable that moves us along.

Adjusting your ways of thinking or doing things doesn’t necessarily mean dropping your standards.

But it means having the maturity to align certain behaviours and expectations to grow your marriage in a common direction.

The next time you see yourself losing patience and heading towards World War 3 with your spouse, take a second to realise the consequences and the unworthiness of the negative situation.

Maybe sleep over it? Refrain from sending angry texts and from vocal confrontations at that moment.

It just takes a moment to re-evaluate your thought process and approach the situation differently.

Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt.

Easier said than done, we know, but isn’t patience truly the best remedy for most marital challenges?

We truly think that one of the best wedding gifts God gave you was a full-length mirror called your spouse.

Had there been a card attached, it would have said: “Here’s to helping you discover what you’re really like, and what parts of your character need to grow and mature.”

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