How to cope with a husband’s sudden loss of income

South African money
South African money

During an economic downturn, one of the first things employers may do to cut costs is reduce staff.

The financial impact of the coronavirus is being felt globally across industries as many companies and small businesses are forced to close either temporarily or permanently.

There aren’t many words to describe what happens in the life of a responsible husband with all the abilities, experience, education and attitude to suddenly lose his ability to provide.

Other than death and divorce, we know of no other stress-inducing event in the life of a grown man that’s as shocking to his system as abruptly removing his ability to provide. Typically he may feel his very manhood and identity are stripped away.

Typically, men struggle to fully express their feelings. The unemployed husband often suffers in silence.

The effects however, of his inability to provide are often evidenced by low self-confidence, guilt, frustration, feeling overwhelmed, fear, self-doubt and lapses of depression.

He may feel he’s a social outcast, and easily isolate himself and withdraw from most people.

And if the income loss season becomes too long, he may become discouraged and negative about most things. This will often translate into antisocial and self-sabotaging behaviour.

He may resort to infidelity, hypersensitivity, substance abuse, anger and violence as a way of trying to reassert his threatened masculinity. Things can get even worse if he feels he doesn’t get the support he needs from his wife or if she shows signs of disdain for him.

Allow for a period of grief

Any significant loss, personal or professional, may provoke an episode of melancholy. The first couple of weeks following a job loss often involves a period of adjustment, which may or may not include grief.

If it does, it is important to allow him a bit of time and space. The frustration may even be worsened by the limited options of income generation.

As many industries move online and minimise human contact, many people are nervous about their value and contribution. It does get too much.

Get practical

Along with all the emotional support needed, it’s important to think about the practical implications of the situation. Immediately talk to your creditors and suppliers to inform them of the situation. Work out a plan to meet your obligations with them. You’ll be surprised how understanding they will be during the period of this pandemic.

Cut down on your lifestyle and sell valuables you don’t need. You’ll be amazed at how much money is “hidden” in stuff you can do without.

At this time, pride is counterproductive, and you can’t afford to hold on to items you’re not even using or can sacrifice to meet the current financial need. A garage sale would do you wonders.

Cutting down on your lifestyle may also mean relocating to a smaller house until the situation changes. It’s time to evaluate the needs against the wants. Cancel unnecessary expenses, and collectively make adjustments.

Don’t sit back

A posture of giving up gives rise to depression and all kinds of counterproductive behaviour. It may be time to consider this season as an opportunity to invest himself in whatever he believes is his life calling.

This is a great time to think about what he’s passionate about and what gives him meaning, and then start to engage with that process instead of feeling helpless and passively waiting for some messianic phone call from a possible employer.

He must invest himself in community work, start a small business, do something. We know of a once unemployed husband that developed a business from a simple passion he developed from maintaining his own garden.

Give him space

Allow him the space to be the man he’s always been before the income loss. If the kids for instance, previously approached him for stuff they needed, let them still get the money from him.

Remember, the income to the family belongs to both of you, not just you. This requires maturity and solid grounding in faith for both of you.

Keep the big picture in mind

Going through this rough season in your marriage, you may have to consider what you actually meant when you vowed, “for better or worse; for richer or poorer ... until death do you part”?

As a wife, are you able to respect your husband beyond his inability to provide? Do you appreciate the income loss situation as temporary in the backdrop of the permanence of your marriage?

Remember that unity is power

Nothing can beat you forming a strong alliance in a show of unity. You have to sit down as a team and strategise not only the job hunt, but ways you can minimise conflicts that come with this season.

Approaching conflict as a team in an attitude of unity is the best way to deflate any tension. Let each other know you are on the same team.

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