Mo & Phindi: Valentine's Day is not about the money

Relationship strategists Mo and Phindi say that Valentine's Day next week on February 14 should not be about the money you throw at it, but rather the love you have for each other Three Valentine’s Days ago, we were in a very dark financial space as a couple. We had both resigned from high-income jobs over a year prior to engaging in what we are doing now.

As a family we had sunk so deep into our own junk status grade that no one was keen on investing in us at the time.

Today, whenever people ask how we pulled through the tough financial period we had to go through, we always say we lived on manna from heaven, because we simply can’t explain it. Ag! We’ll talk about that some other day.

But for that particular Valentine’s Day, we both knew there won’t be any extravagance to mark the day. In fact, we subconsciously ensured we did not even talk about what we were going to do. However, we each had to dig a little deep for creative ways on how we could celebrate our love together without telling the other.

Now, Valentine’s Day had no real meaning in our relationship for years, and still doesn’t. We celebrate it some years and others we deliberately skip it. But for this particular year, we were so conscious of it in spite of our financial limitations that we each instinctively felt we had to do something.

We both worked in the media and entertainment space – Phindi heading airtime sales for East Coast Radio, and Mo heading arts and culture for the City of Durban. And because of the links he had with artists of all sorts, Mo approached one of the local music DJs to compile a CD mixtape.

The CD was to have a selection of some of the favourite songs Phindi loved most, irrespective of genre. The CD, which is still on our music collection to date, comprised 14 diverse tracks, one of her hits after another. The DJ even wrapped it with her printed photo with a little message from Mo on the sleeve. It was personal, and very romantic. She deeply appreciated it.

On that Valentine’s Day, which fell on a Saturday, she arranged that the kids spend the weekend at granny’s house so we would have time together. Mo suspected that she also had plans, which would present a perfect opportunity for him to present her with the CD.

She prepared one of most basic of dinners. Basic because she didn’t have much options in the kitchen. But it was the effort she put into the setting.

Our house then was fairly privileged, situated in a reasonably opulent suburb. We had a yard big enough to enclose an out-building, swimming pool, carport as well as an area we created for kids to play.

She laid the dinner in a picnic setup with a candle lit. Man, oh man! Did we have us an awesome Valentine’s Day that Saturday!

We slept outside that evening, staring at the moon. The conversation was deep, emotional, forward-looking and intimate. Some of the things we’re currently doing to fulfil our purpose today, were conceptualised in that conversation.

That Valentine’s Day remains one of the cheapest, yet very memorable and romantic celebrations of our love ever.

We thought we should share this personal experience with you to make the point that love may be costly in other areas, but it generally costs little money. In fact, we believe the more you distance your love from money the greater the chance you will experience love on its genuine and authentic level. Diamonds and five-star meals are not a necessity for a meaningful Valentine’s Day either.

And so, approaching Valentine’s Day, we appreciate that the country is in some economic recession. However, life still has to go on. As such we thought you might appreciate some of the financially inexpensive ideas to celebrate your love.

Surprise your partner by doing an unusual chore for them.

If they normally do the laundry, wash the dishes, or clean the gutters, do that for them in exactly the same way they would do. It will show you were thinking about them and wanted to save them the trouble of doing it themselves.

Give your partner a voucher for nice deeds from you. This can include foot massages, one week of cooking or dishwashing with no questions asked. Design the voucher on your computer yourself. You can use a business card template, or just cut out the voucher into heart shape once it’s printed. Write “redeemable at any time, no expiration date” just for cheesiness.

Write a heartfelt love letter and stick it into the lunchbox.

Your partner needs to see it, while away from you. Don’t be afraid to gush a little, especially if you’re normally unromantic. Everyone likes reading about how much they’re loved in words written by the person who loves them.

Prepare a nice filling meal at home, and go have dessert out.

A stroll along the beach with ice cream is also a nice setting for great conversations. And while talking, it’s also not the good time to resolve conflict. Focus your attention on forward-looking heart-to-heart conversations.

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