AT THE BEACH | I’m a tad more afraid of surgical drills than sharks

Exostosis. Now there is a swear word.

“An exostosis is a benign [non-cancerous] bone tumour [glad about that]. The plural form of exostosis is exostoses.

“Exostoses are benign bone tumours that form on top of your existing bone tissue. In other words they are bumps of bone that grow out of one of your bones. They are non-cancerous.”

Well thank you internet for that.

To be more precise, ear exostosis.

I have them badly and by the time you read this, I will be recently out of surgery, and dry docked for six weeks or so. The surgery has been pain-free. What a welcome surprise!

The problem is caused by cold water and cold wind in the ears and goes by the colloquial name “surfer’s ear”.

Bone in ear canals grows closed to keep the cold out. In Buffalo City all long-time surfers have their right ear pack up first.

As we sit at Nahoon Reef (or any one of our right breaking points on our eastern seaboard, for example J-Bay) with our back to the land mass and facing out to sea looking for our next ride, prevailing winter south west wind funnels into our right ears.

Even more so when paddling back out after the ride, offshore wind charges straight into the right lug hole. Left ear also throws in the towel but a while after the right.

Many people ask me if I am afraid of sharks and generally my answer is no.

That does not mean I want to surf the wreck in Plettenberg Bay or Second Beach, Port St Johns, but I am a tad more afraid of general anaesthetic, scalpels and surgical drills.

The bone is drilled out. In Cape Town, where the wind and water is screamingly cold, the bone growth is a quick pimple. Quickly and more easily knocked out.

Here in Buffalo City the bone growth is slower and more solid. Delightful.

If you are an old geezer like me, with multiple bone growth over 45 years, you can look forward to about three hours of surgery.

Fortunately here at home our Dr Paul Steyn is an expert with years and years of excellent practice.

Some of his patients include Roger Smith, Craig Sinclair, Peter Jones, Tristan Johnson, Devyn Mathuys, Steve Scheepers, John Carter ... the list is longer than your arm.

It is one of the guaranteed hazards of local surfing. It is almost a case of if you do not have surfer’s ear, then you are not much good, are you?

Local support for Dr Steyn is 100%.

“He is great,” says John Carter. “Best in EL” says Steve Scheepers, so I know I am in good hands.

You can save yourself from the knife by putting Prestik in your ears or using ear plugs.

I find this experience a bit claustrophobic and disappointing to shut out the sounds of the sea. Something akin to eating your sweets with the wrapper still on.

I am saving myself a little these days by wearing a surfing hat that covers my ears but it is a dollar short and a day late, to say the least — or more like closing the gate long after the bull has walked off.

All I can say right now is thank you Lord for good medical aid.

The best surfing hat that I have found thus far is from Rip Curl.

The brim is both firm and flexible and short so that you do not shut down too much of the view of the horizon when you are paddling.

Breather holes in the top stop the hat from blowing up like a parachute when you are in a big wind or surfing at high speed.

Being a little small and firm means it does not flap around either like as if a mad seagull has landed on your head. It is quite a technical garment.

The chin strap has gauze ear covers that keep out 90% of the wind. You can still hear conversation and interference with your surfing is minimal.

Never mind the fact that you keep “old spikes” (the sun) at bay.

Melanoma is no picnic. Smart youngsters like Keegan Mitchell are already surfing with a hat and lots of sunblock. He is saving himself a lot of trouble in the future.

That being said, I am thankful that modern medical science is where it is today. I will surf again.

Cheers.

Weekender