Things to be angry about

So, the news of the hour is that hunger makes you angry, or “hangry”, a word introduced to the Oxford English Dictionary for the first time this year.

Hanger differs from regular anger in that it has a physical trigger – as opposed to, say, someone “borrowing” the phone charger labelled Do Not Move – and also you can quash it with three bites of a Danish pastry.

We’d always assumed there was an anger dial from irritated to full-on foaming, but, of course, it makes perfect sense.

Here are the top 10 most common angers:

Trangry (travel anger)

That cocktail of anxiety (should we have booked the later ferry?) plus FOGA (fear of going away and all the bad things that could happen in your absence, such as someone taking your job) plus commitment phobia (is two weeks too long to be in a villa with the Hamblings . . . and what if she starts on the spirituality conversation?).

Xangry (ex-anger)

The anger the betrayed half of a couple feels when they discover the betrayer is now spending leisure time by the pool at Soho Farmhouse, while they are stuck in an L-shaped room with two children and a part-time accounting job.

Emangry (e-mail anger)

When you have received an encrypted e-mail so you have to subscribe to a special site in order to read it, and then you need to download Adobe Flashwhatever, which you can’t, so you have to start again and ring up the people who sent the e-mail.

Husangry (husband-directed anger)

Bar installing CCTV and a loudspeaker and sitting miked up in front of a laptop like the surveillance team in Homeland, while watching your husband prepare to leave the house, occasionally interjecting: “Don’t forget the cake!” you could not have done more.

But the cake does not make it, and so you are Husangry.

Quangry (Question Time anger)

The audience, the panellists, the audience, the dimness, the rudeness, the virtue signalling. It’s a slow build, then quite angry by bedtime.

Frangry (friends related anger)

When you discover that your friend has given a really nice bowl to her new friend and, despite not being 14, you think: “You never give me nice bowls.”

And you feel cross and angry with yourself for being cross, and then angry that some of your friends are better friends with their other friends . . . which is quite juvenile but then no one said it was attractive.

Cangry (coffee-related anger)

You’re unable to settle, a bit on edge, possibly hangry because a lot of coffee does make you feel hollow in an acidic way, and then you feel angry with yourself because what reasonable person has three flat whites in the space of two hours and doesn’t consider the consequences?

Wangry (wasting-time anger)

Only justifiable if someone else, for example the plumber who never showed, is responsible for us wasting the entire day, but we have been known to feel a low-level anger with ourselves for faffing about and not achieving anything on “the list”.

Kangry (kitchen angry)

Either because nothing is happening (no one is helping) or things are happening too fast and not in the right order and someone didn’t take the meat out when they were meant to and it is overcooked AGAIN.

Pangry (pointless anger)

Possibly hormone-related, possibly to do with sleep deprivation and too much alcohol. You’re not sure why but it’s never because you’ve forgotten to eat. – The Daily Telegraph