Patience a key ingredient to a good marriage

Picture: 123RF/GREKOV
Picture: 123RF/GREKOV

If we're being completely honest here, you aren't patient as you would like to be. Especially with your spouse. You get a little irritated, annoyed, frustrated, and agitated with them from time to time. And for good reasons — at least, they seem like legit reasons to you.

We’ve learnt over the years that patience is an important skill to have in your marriage toolbox because it’s so crucial for the success of your marriage. And nobody can teach you to be patient like your spouse. Think about it.

You need truckloads of patience within yourself when it comes to coping with your partner’s annoying habits such as them being always late, or their constant frustration over petty things. Because you ought to spend an entire lifetime with your spouse, you have no other option but to put up with some of their most annoying habits.

What patience means

Patience doesn’t just mean to put up with your spouse’s personality and some of their most annoying behaviour, but also it is the ability to tolerate or restrain yourself from reacting in anger or frustration. Patience also means being able to bite your tongue from saying hurtful things to your spouse during a heated conversation. In other words, not lashing out at your spouse.

Furthermore, it means walking along with your spouse when they hurt or being tolerant when they make you angry unintentionally. You have to be patient when your children push every single one of your buttons, and when your marriage is still not yet what you want it to be.

Imagine belittling your spouse because you were angry about something trivial they did. How do you feel moments after having realised you can’t take those words back? This feeling alone implies being patient is the best solution when you’re angered.

Here are a few ways we can practice patience.

Acceptance

All you need to do is accept them the way they are — flaws and all. Before acting on what they are doing or aren't doing, you need to understand that a person cannot change his or her basic nature completely, and hence the only way to make peace with the situation is to accept them.

Dedicate some quiet time together

Patience is not only about giving and tolerance. It’s also about allotting time to be spent together as a couple, without necessarily talking. Take a walk together, and hold each other’s hands. The non-verbal communication in this exercise not only lengthens your patience for each other, but also develops more trust because even if you don’t speak, your partner hears you out, and so do you to them. Quiet time also could mean praying together. You’ll amazed at the amount of intimacy that comes out of that.

Don’t join them in their tantrums

There really are instances when your partner gets mad or throws a fit over a particular issue. Sure, it can get into your nerves, but joining them in their tantrum will only make things worse. Rather, let them vent and breathe out everything they feel, and then talk to them calmly once they have cooled down. This would give them time to let go of unnecessary emotions and return to their rational selves before resolving this issue you two are facing.

Communicate

Talk it out. Don’t keep it to yourself and then become a volcano ready to erupt any time. You need to talk without lashing out at each other. Get to know, and understand one another. This way you'll be able to vent within time and wouldn't be frustrated by what your partner is doing. It’s essential that you lay the issues down and ask each other’s opinions about them. You may not always agree to one’s decision but by discussing and listening to each side, you develop more patience and tolerance for one another.

Listen

Always remember that you’re a team against the problem, and not you vs your spouse. This will help you in being empathetic towards your spouse and listening will bring you both towards a solution together rather than just focusing on the problem.

Allow your spouse to be themselves

Let them be, there are things that you'd want to do without anybody poking you or abstaining you from them. So, let them be! As long as they’re not engaging in destructive behaviour, just let them be!

Learn to adjust and compromise

Things don’t always have to go your way. It's not always rainbows and butterflies but a compromise that moves us along. Compromise doesn’t necessarily means dropping your standards, but it far much more means having the maturity to align certain behaviours and expectations to grow your marriage towards happiness.

The next time you see yourself losing patience and heading towards World War III with your spouse, take a second to realise the consequence and the unworthiness of the negative situation. Maybe sleep over it? Refrain from angered texts and vocal conversations at that particular time. It just takes a moment to rethink your thought process and approach the situation differently and give your spouse the benefit of the doubt they deserve.

Easier said than done, we know, but isn't patience truly the best remedy for most marital challenges? Isn’t patience an extremely important skill to have on your marital toolbox? Think about it!

The lack of patience in a marriage can be very destructive and easily lead to saying or doing regretful things. We highly recommend you do everything possible to have more patience for yourself, your spouse, and marriage.

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