Anna Hart negotiates the divisive jungle that is plane passenger etiquette
Seated between a passenger who enthusiastically flosses his teeth after the meal service and a passenger blaring loud video clips on his phone?
I understand your despair.
In the century since the first commercial flight, flights have become less like glamorous high society parties in the sky and now resemble shabby student flats on a hungover Sunday.
We’ve lost the dinner jackets and clinks of martini glasses; they’ve been replaced by grubby sports socks and dog-eared copies of Heat magazine.
And when we lose glamour we lose good manners and decorum, too.
Alas, there is little glamour to be found in economy class these days and that’s where firm, fixed rules of etiquette come into play. Jet-iquette, if you like.
In-flight attire
For long-haul flights, comfortable sportswear is permissible, but accept that if you’re going to dress like a slob, you need to ensure you don’t smell like a slob, talk like a slob or eat like a slob.
Bare feet aren’t acceptable and neither are shabby socks; if you remove your shoes have a pair of flight socks to hand.
Airline personnel
Treat airline staff like hosts not staff.
They have invited you to this peculiar party in the sky, and the more enthusiasm and gratitude you can muster, the more miniature bottles of merlot they’ll bestow upon you.
Neighbourly behaviour
Smile and politely greet the passengers in the same row as you as you take your seats.
Despite the indignities of the security line and the subsequent series of queues and pens into which you’ve just been herded, you are not entering prison and making eye contact with your new neighbours is not a crime.
Territorial disputes
In a Utopian society, we’d all politely ask the passenger behind us beforehand if they object to us reclining our seat, to which they would immediately respond, “Not a jot, thanks for asking, comrade”.
But in these savage and ferociously individualistic times, there’s a chance they actually will object, which makes things awkward.
I settle for reclining the seat gently and slowly, and never during mealtimes.
Treat armrests as seat dividers and if you place your elbow on them, ensure there’s space for your neighbours to do the same. Gadgets
It is never acceptable to subject your fellow passengers to sounds emitting from your phone or iPad.
Parents, this applies to children’s games, too. Keep the thing muted or wear headphones.
Grooming
Yes, you might have just slept in alarmingly close proximity to your fellow passengers, but they are not your university roommates or long-suffering family members.
Accordingly, any grooming rituals beyond that of a swift comb of your hair or smearing of face cream should be conducted behind the closed doors of the airline toilet. – The Telegraph