For as long as I remember, I’ve hated being the centre of attention. We make assumptions that people in the spotlight – actors, writers, loud and merry people, drunken relatives – are happy to be there, but in reality, many, like me, would rather nap under a rock.
My mom took a photo of my friends and I at my eighth birthday party, many long moons ago.
I was pretty in pink, the table was lush with homemade fudge, cupcakes, hotdogs and Simba chips, and my whole class was there.
The one photo which I wasn’t able to dodge, shows me ducking under the table, dragging my pink hemline in sand, clutching at my best friend’s hand and hiding a blushing face behind a bush.
I’ve always wondered about that photo – as a grown-up, I found my child-self rather disappointing, having ruined a memory-making moment for my supermom.
But since then, I’ve understood that while I do love eating cake, receiving presents and being told over and over again, on my special day each year, that I’m worthy of spoils, it would suit me better if birthdays were events-in-unison: parties capturing everybody birthed within the same few months, perhaps.
That way, there’d be less attention on just me but I’d still get gifts.
Every year though, when my friends’ birthdays roll around – and Facebook has been marvellous at making sure nobody forgets anybody these days – I’m always touched by how touched people are, when being remembered.
It feels good to make others feel good – and that’s why I believe in birthdays; more than I ever did before.
It’s also a good lesson in how to make small things count: the text message that tells you why you’re wonderful all year round, and not just today, when you’re older and they remembered; the flowers because everybody likes getting those; home-baked macaroons in a recycled glass jar, with pink decorations; a letter instead of a card, with lots of lines on why being friends with you is a pleasure, not a chore.
And I’m not sure why this is so important, but it is.
Perhaps it’s simple as Nat King Cole says – he whom I’ve quoted before: “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn, is to love and be loved in return”.