WOMAN ON TOP

Confessions of a grammar nazi


I always used this magazine cover example in English class when we were discussing commas, and how to use (or abuse) them.
It never failed to raise a laugh – kids only “get” grammar when it’s rooted in the real world.
Nowadays, it’s become quite commonplace to see cringy grammar everywhere, borne on the back of “woke” social influencers, marketing gurus and #trendsetters who string together macaroni necklaces better than they do a sentence.
This used to bother me, because communication is one of the great pillars of humanity, along with great food and public holidays.
Actual shopping mall samples of language misuse, such as, “Attention! Toilet only for the disabled pregnant children” are, to me, a genuine and irksome problem.
It’s funny, but it’s not. A foreign shopper with no grip on the basics of grammar might have taken seriously the ridiculous omission of commas between “disabled”, “pregnant” and “children”.
And while everybody gets it wrong some of the time, it’s becoming common to get it wrong more often than not.
What bothers me about sloppy language is not the sloppiness, but the disrespect it symbolises for those who are still learning the language and actually making an effort to talk in someone else’s mother tongue.
I string together words for a living, but I do hate grammar. While my friends and editors wouldn’t believe this, my former English pupils (and teachers) know it.
I understand how to hyphen, comma and capitalise, but I couldn’t unpack the complex ingredients of a typical sentence into participles, split infinitives and other high-brow language rules that seem to just come naturally to me, on the fly, and with a hellish amount of genetic luck.
So, I’m no snobby linguist. I agree that language is living and fluid. I fully agree that it is a minefield of confusion – but there’s little that annoys me more than the careless deterioration of the basics; an issue that’s becoming the rule, rather than the exception.
Researchers are curious about why we get so cross when other adults break grammar rules.
Is it a class issue? Are we simply fuelling elitist attitudes by using language as the great divide between snobs and yobs?
Whatever the reason, grammar does matter.
Apart from helping us to communicate and actually make sense, humans appear to equate speaking and writing decently as underlying requirements for a good relationship.
A dating site research team recently compiled a study showing that bad grammar and spelling were guaranteed turn-offs for people seeking a mate.
The biggest boo-boos were slang or “net-speak” words such as “ur” and “ya”, followed by “luv” and “wat”.
American writer Twist Phelan says that grammar is a “filter system”, showing that someone has actually taken the time and care to speak or write correctly; which means that they may do the same in other areas of life, too.
It bothers me to the point of apoplexy when I see restaurant adverts abusing apostrophes.
They get it right for two or three items and then randomly go off the rails thus: “We serve pastas, pizzas, paninis and salad’s.” Why the apostrophe in “salads”?
That I cannot say, because it shouldn’t be there.
As a public service, I’ve asked many clever people to help me stop the rot. Today, we begin with the apostrophe, because I enjoy dining out.
Journalist and writer Mandy Collins sums it up: the apostrophe should be used when joining two words together such as let’s (let us), isn’t (is not) and won’t (will not) as well as shortening words: can’t (cannot).
The apostrophe should also indicate possession (possessive apostrophe) as in Hector’s House.
The apostrophe is not used in plurals such as stags and hens, schools and clubs (unless it is a possessive plural, as in a farmers’ market).
And now you know. Which gives you every right to ask for a discount when next you order two pastas, since you never asked for a side order of apostrophe with that.

FREE TO READ | Just register if you’re new, or sign in.



Questions or problems? Email helpdesk@heraldlive.co.za or call 0860 52 52 00.

Would you like to comment on this article?
Register (it's quick and free) or sign in now.

Speech Bubbles

Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.