Where to find the ‘good men’

I’LL always think of her as “the goddess”. Reclined on a couch, with classical features and grace, she looked like the sculpture of a Roman woman.

As I was passing by, she asked me, “Where do I find a good man around here?”

I told her, “Well, 99% of soldiers go to church on Sunday. That ought to tell you something. Find the nearest military base and work out where they go to drink after hours.”

Maybe it’s because I served once, but soldiers and cops are in professions based on loyalty, teamwork, honesty, integrity, communication, etc – all traits found in good men. No, they’re not perfect, and some aren’t worth knowing. But there are a few to be found if you can put up with long absences and the risk of becoming a widow.

If not, then to find them you need to think of yourself as predator and of men as prey – they are, after all, your target.

So, go to a video shop. Look for guys browsing in the more intellectual sections (dramas, science fiction, politically themed series), then ask for their opinion or advice. See if they know many movies and also note what types – it means they spend a lot of time alone.

Go to libraries and secondhand book stores. Check out the philosophy, politics and history, sci-fi and legal or medical thrillers – they indicate a broad knowledge base, a good imagination, an open mind and willingness to learn.

Who wants a caveman these days? They think women should be pregnant, barefoot and in the kitchen.

Check out your local church or synagogue. Look for those who seem sincere in their devotions, but are not hysterical or showy.

Chances are they practice what they preach and have a stable mind. Look at how he dresses and what he drives.

Check the condition of both and look out for excessive neatness. Such guys are usually vain and insecure control freaks.

Expand your circle of friends and acquaintances. Many married couples know singletons and I’ve heard they try to set them up with dates.

They probably know them well and can filter out the undesirable or unsuitable. From what I know, many meet their spouses this way.

Forget Mills & Boon or Fifty Shades. These guys are very pragmatic and perhaps put a divorce lawyer’s kid through school.

They’ll be just as wary of getting hurt and sceptical of new acquaintances as you, not to mention “deprived”. They’ll probably take things slowly and try to get to know you before making any kind of move, even if it’s just an invitation to a movie.

No, they’re not cowards, just careful. Sadly, men get broken hearts too – and they hurt.

Finding a good person to spend your life with is as hard as finding diamonds. There’s a lot of searching through filth, mud, tough living conditions, danger and disappointment.

For those who are lucky, determined, strong and aware enough, a Cullinan waits at home. For the rest of us, a lot of panning in cold places.

May you find yours, JT. That was a brave letter you wrote (“Where on earth are the loyal, good men in PE”, January 10), I hope mine helps.

M Negres, Port Elizabeth