Breaking the silence

Daryn Wood

WITH the 16 Days of Activism for No Violence Against Women and Children currently underway, a group of Motherwell women are finally standing together and speaking out against abuse in their community.
The Nomzamo home-based care centre in Motherwell invited families last Friday to an event where various speakers discussed the topic of violence against women and children.
Project manager of the centre, Nonkululeko Snyman, said the event was organised because there was a high rate of violence in the area and the issue needed to be addressed.
“It is a big problem,” said Snyman.

“It is time to break the silence. Women do not want to talk about it to protect their husbands as well as their dignity and their status.”
Motherwell resident and mother of two, Nontembiso Makoba, was a victim before receiving support from the care centre.
She said she experienced abuse at home and was “powerless” because there were consequences for coming out.
“You can lose your relationship, so I kept quiet,” said Makoba.
She said it was everywhere but it was part of their culture not to speak about it as it was a “taboo topic” growing up.
But she said women like herself were now being empowered by Nomzamo to deal with abuse.
“I was told it was wrong, because before it was a normal part of my life,” she said.

“I have been given life skills and I am happy I am getting support.
“I have gained control of my life again and I know it (abuse) is not okay anymore.”
Nomakula Dingela of Motherwell said it was good that women were finally getting together and speaking about it as it was hidden in the past.
She said many women were scared of their partners and the children were scared of their fathers, but it stayed behind closed doors.
“The man will abuse his partner or child but nothing is said because he makes the money,” said Dingela.
The abuse usually starts when the men get angry, she said. The main causes for this being drugs and alcohol.
Dingela added emotional abuse was also prominent with the men making their partners feel worthless.
“At the beginning of the relationship they will tell you how beautiful you are. But after a few years they will tell you how they are not attracted to you.”
She said men will control their partners by limiting the time they spend with friends, or not allowing them to have friends at all.
“They are scared the women will tell their friends what is going on.”
Dingela said there was not much that could be done because even the police refused to help. Police “cannot interfere with family problems”, she said.
“Women are still not safe, even when they go to someone for help.
“The men bring you roses to say sorry. One day they will put those roses on your grave.”
According to Toffee Cwaba, an employee of the Department of Health for the last 29 years, abuse is a big problem in the community.
She spoke about child abuse, and focused on women drinking during pregnancy.
“This is a form of child abuse,” said Cwaba.

“They don’t really care; they drink to relieve stress.”
She said another problem was that mothers gave birth and passed the child on to the grandmother and then disappeared.
Cwaba explained the main reason for this was that girls still want to experience their youth and not have to look after a child.
Some of these mothers were as young as 12, she said, adding many girls were not on birth control.
“The solution is to motivate them about family planning. The easiest thing to do is abstain from sex, but this is not easy for them.
“Girls are given money, clothes and other gifts from men for sex. They need the money so they do it.”

Cwaba said group discussions need to be held with girls in the community about safe sex.
According to Snyman, there are organisations for abused women and children like the Family and Marriage Association of South Africa (FAMSA), Lifeline and Childline they can contact.
Childline can be contacted on 0800-055-555.