Whoever said that loss gets easier with time was a liar – Agherdien

TREASURED PICTURE: Bianca Agherdien chose this picture of her wedding day in March last year to Anver Agherdien
TREASURED PICTURE: Bianca Agherdien chose this picture of her wedding day in March last year to Anver Agherdien

WHEN bereft widower Anver Agherdien looks back on the past year, he sees an ocean of emotion ranging from the high of his wedding day and a magical honeymoon in Thailand to the shocking lows of seeing his bride Bianca die after a car smash and a funeral which drew thousands of mourners.

The popular Port Elizabeth couple married in March last year and were enjoying life as newlyweds. Bianca was studying for her doctorate in pharmacy through Rhodes University and Anver, in turn, had at her urging applied for a post at the SA Airways.

She never saw him start his new career on December 1 last year as on her return from a trip to Grahamstown she was involved in a fatal head-on collision in November.

“It’s been three months already and it hasn’t got better at all. Every day is a challenge just to overcome her absence. Myself and the family go through emotional roller-coasters every day as we try to accept the reality that she is no longer here,” Agherdien said this week.

Since then, he has befriended Warren Jeftha, who also lost his wife in November. Both men hope to unite in some kind of blood donation drive in memory of their loved ones.

“When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time.

“It is the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone,” Agherdien said.

“Just when the day comes – when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever – there comes another day.

“Whoever said that loss gets easier with time was a liar. Here’s what really happens: the spaces between the times you miss them grow longer. Then, when you do remember to miss them again, it’s still with a stabbing pain to the heart. And you have guilt. Guilt because it’s been too long since you missed them last,” he said.

-Gillian McAnish

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