Stop asking me when the next one is coming

Just Ella Bella

Eleanor Douglas-Meyers is a crafty mom from Uitenhage who writes about DIY, parenting, natural hair care, fashion, food and fun on her blog: JustEllaBella


Why do I need more than one child? asks Just Ella Bella blogger Eleanor Douglas-Meyers in her column today

I am happy as a mom to an only child, but to avoid fights, let’s say “I’m keeping an open mind about future reproduction”.

I’ve had people who grew up as an only child and say they would never do that to their kids and I feel that everyone has a right to their opinion, so I do take that into consideration.

However, I would like to note that blood doesn’t make for instant besties (my opinion – I have two siblings)

I have heard all the arguments by now. How I’m selfish and he is likely to grow up to be a lonely, spoilt brat (ignore the fact that I and, probably you, know people with siblings who fit that description perfectly).

Sometimes the arguments are so loud and repetitive, you start doubting yourself.

You forget your emotional and medical reasons and you think, “So what if you landed up in ICU with both births, this is for the greater good … maybe I should just shut people up and have more kids”.

That is a silly reason to fall pregnant… here are more reasons I don’t think are very smart:

  • People keep nagging me

    Sometimes I think I should get pregnant just to have a date to give people when they say, “sooooo when’s the next one coming?”.

  • So I can be a “real mom”

    Other moms often allude to the fact that I don’t know “real motherhood”, “real exhaustion”, “real parenting” so I have thought maybe I should get knocked up and then I can exit this Pinocchio parenting I’m involved in, because ”I wanna be a real mom”.

  •  To keep him from being spoilt

    I’m not rich enough to good and proper spoil him, so that’s a plus right?
    I’ve heard that if you have an only child you run the risk of raising a spoilt brat so I considered having another one to combat that, in the end I opted to teach him proper values instead…saved me nine months there.

  • He would be lonely

    Aidan looked so lonely the other day and I thought he could do with a sibling.

    The lonely look subsides though at school; when his cousin comes over (daily) and when he organises a play date – he does that.

    I’ve come to realise that Aidan draws people to him … lonely (quiet house) is going to be a pipe dream for me.

    We come from a tight-knit family and I know that he will always have a support system.

  • What if something happens to him?

    People have actually suggested this to me numerous times. I’m like, uhm you know, I lost a kid already. This is insensitive, and I don’t need a spare-wheel child, thank you.

  • Who will look after me?

    ME! I will! and if I can’t, I will make provisions for a funny nurse to watch me. I don’t want to have kids for in case I need a carer.

I think kids are awesome and I think you should have as many as you want, but just don’t let yourself be bullied into ANYTHING.

These are people – not collector’s items or Pokemon – I don’t have to catch or collect them all, I just have to build the family I want and right now, being a great mom to one and a cool aunt to many others, is exactly what I want.

It works for me, find what works for others and stop asking people about their reproductive choices, it’s a li’l awkward … just saying.

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